Forbidden Love (A BoulderDonkey Romance)
by lesbitiddies
Summary: Ever wondered about how a great hunk of stone would fall in love with a donkey? Wonder no longer, my friends. In this thrilling tale, you discover the true meaning of romance, rivalry, and true love. Experience the feeling of unrequited love the Boulder feels as Donkey steals its heart. This was so beautiful that I, the author, cried as I was writing this.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE: A HEART OF STONE

It all started with a voice. A simple, sweet voice. Did it belong to the angels? The devils? The flying pigs with an affinity for flutes and a passion for smooth jazz? I know not. All I know is I woke up that day.  
After millennia of being molded into shape, my form slowly being crafted by the wind and rain, by landslides and earthquakes… I arrived at this place. The trees started to rise above me, die, rise again. The land changed, becoming wetter, soggier. The denizens that lived here arrived and left, their mortal lives too short... the forest growing into wilderness and men conquer and fall. Then he arrived. The one that was green of skin, with a large, fat body. Not a man. He drove them from this place. His smells, sounds, and questionable actions (not to mention his absurd attitude) drove everyone from this place.  
All these years I had been a spectator, never noticed, never treated as something real.

Until that day. That fateful day.  
The Ogre, a horrid creature, had gone for a stroll in the forest. I was enjoying the green beast's absence as best I could. He seems to be on a regular schedule (which was quite boring since I had to watch him ever day). Time passes strangely when you are one such as I.  
All afternoon I watched him rise, go to the outhouse, and bathe in the swamp. I feel bad for those fish. Still, I am not noticed. I was so glad he was gone. I could never understand him, wanting others to scream in terror and run away. As someone who had spent their whole life alone, I would never comprehend his way of thinking. All I wanted in my whole existence was to be loved.  
I guess that's kind of hard when you have a heart of stone.

It was not long after he left that I heard the Voice. That wondrous singing. The smoothness, the sheer maleness, the attractive _power_ of it called to me. It woke something within me. Then almost fell asleep again as I heard the tiresome roar of the ogre, Shrek. That one was particularly annoying. But no, I had to stay awake, just to hear it once more.  
The two voices: one heavenly and one hellish with a terrible accent, started getting closer. I could almost make out what they were saying. Gradually, the booming _thud thud thud_ of Shrek's footsteps get closer… and something else. Something lighter. Something with increased number. Something musical. A delightful _clip clop_ started to resound on the ground. I could swear the day brightened, the birds started singing again (for they had fallen silent at the large green monstrosity that ventured through the trees), and the grass grew an inch or two. The land was becoming alive at the touch of whomever this celestial being may be.  
Suddenly, the two reach the crest of the hill I reside upon. I see him. So Beautiful, So majestic, a true god among us, walking the earth in peaceful divinity. Then, he speaks the most entrancing words to ever fall upon my unworthy ears.

"Whoo, look at _that!_ Who'd wanna live in a place like _that?!_ "

" _That,"_ says Shrek, "Would be my home." As always, the great gargantuan ghastly green thing brings down the mood.

"Oh, and it is _lovely!_ Just _beautiful!_ And you know, you are quite a decorator- it is amazing what you've done with such a modest budget!"

The next words this godly donkey would speak _changed my life_ _forever_.

"I like that boulder. That is a _nice_ boulder!"

Thus begins the story of how I, a lowly lump of rock, fell in love with a hot piece of ass.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO: A HOT PIECE OF ASS

I watched this Donkey chat with the Ogre. Shrek was never a very friendly beast. I had watched him drive away anything that might have shown him kindness for many years.  
But as Shrek talked to my Love, no amount of hostility would dissuade Donkey. He didn't seem to understand social cues very well and continued to be friendly to the green fellow.

What did Shrek have that I didn't?  
I could feel some emotion stirring within me, something I've never in all my years before experienced- is this… _jealousy?_

A rage that I could barely control came to encompass my entire being when Donkey followed Shrek into his home. How dare that ogre seduce my one true love?!

Seething in anger, I almost fail to notice when the beast forcibly picked up Donkey and practically threw him out the door.

My poor Love, tossed out into the warm summer night, appeared so sad!

And yet… this could be a wonderful opportunity for me. If he is to spend the entire night outside, perhaps I could reveal my affections to him?

As he lay down beneath the stars, I struggle to understand how one so beautiful may exist in this world. How my life had no meaning before this meeting. How fate had brought us together, a boulder and a donkey, to share a love so great the very heavens would break.

Finding my courage to confess proved to be a lot harder in practice than in theory. As he stared into Shrek's window, watching him eat, my thoughts stopped altogether. Nothing in this world existed but him and this night.

Just as I was about to break apart my lips for the first time in years, I hear it. Strangers in the swamp.

Before I could even begin to understand what was happening, a large hoard of fairytale creatures emerged from the woods. This is so unexpected, I have no idea what to do. Is Donkey okay? What were they doing here?  
Eventually, my Love wakes from his slumber to greet them. Some force their way inside the ogre's home. Obviously they don't know how repulsive that hideous beast truly is.  
I decide to stay quiet. I couldn't risk them all finding out about me. Nobody knows how nature listens. We, the rocks and trees, may be exploited like Farquaad's men do to everything else. Satisfying my curiosity would have to wait.

They all started fires, setting up tents… just how long do they intend to stay? I cannot confess to Donkey if they're all in the way. My hope of telling him how I feel is slowly starting to vanish, my heart breaking, my will to live crumbling.

I could tell the ogre was awake by all the yelling and screaming going on within his little house. What I wouldn't give to see that… I thought I saw an entire coffin go in there just minutes before. That was bound to induce all kinds of hilarity!

When he burst out of the half rotted door, I knew the fairytale beings had gone perhaps a _bit_ too far. It was one thing to annoy an ogre, quite a different matter making him actually mad.

" _WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!"_

Okay yes Shrek has gone into Mad Mode™.  
Nothing and no one can save those poor refugees now. I think they might realise that too, as all of them make one large collective gasp.

As Shrek tries to clear them out, I can tell that as fearsome as he is, he won't get very far.

I kind of tuned out to the rest of the conversation taking place because I caught sight of Donkey again. Is there truly none so ethereal?  
If I didn't care about remaining secret, I might have sighed quite dramatically. I've always wanted to do that. Just the site of his hooves, and that cute little tail swinging behind him… That was enough to fuel a thousand wonderful, wonderful fantasies.

Suddenly, I'm shaken out of my daydreams by Donkey's beautiful voice, pleading with Shrek. His gorgeous ass jumping up and down, screaming "pick me, pick me!" is enough to send my mind reeling. For as long as I continue to exist, I will replay that memory over and over again.

But wait, pick him for what?

The fairytale creatures start to cheer.

Shrek grabs a torch and begins to walk away.

He would leave them all there? At his home? This turn of events is utterly baffling. What is going on in that ogre's head this time?

As Donkey begins to follow him, they make no move to slow down. Where are they going? I was supposed to reveal my undying love for him tonight!

His heavenly singing finds its way to me as they disappear around the bend in the road, the torchlight growing distant.

" _On the road again,_

 _I can't wait to get on the road again_

-SING IT WITH ME, SHREK!"

I can't believe this. My One True Love is about to disappear from me forever. I cannot stand by and let this happen! I have to move!

Try as I might, I can't even start to roll. I'm just a boulder. This will never work.

As despair threatens to overcome me, I'm suddenly hit with something dazzling, and pink.  
A group of fairies, in drunken celebration, have begun to emit pretty spells from the end of their wands, creating fireworks, enchanting the grass to dance… and me.

Unbeknownst to them, I can now move.

I can move.

I will find Donkey.

I will declare my affections for him.

And our love shall conquer all.


End file.
